INDIANA – The holidays are here! Thanksgiving and Black Friday are over, and as Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa draw near, many of us are focused on traditions – eating our favorite holiday meals, celebrating with family, and shopping for special gifts. As we enjoy these holiday traditions, it’s also a great time to give thanks and model an “attitude of gratitude” for the children in our midst.
Children are not born grateful. According to author Mary Jane Ryan, “Recognizing that someone has gone out of their way for you is not a natural behavior for children – it’s learned.” If you have spent much time around toddlers, you know they are self-centered by nature, which is a regular part of their cognitive and emotional growth. Studies have shown, however, that children as young as 15-18 months can begin to understand concepts that lead to gratitude.
Teaching young children to be grateful is not easy, but it can benefit them later in life. A study at the University of California, Davis found that grateful people tend to be more optimistic and happier, and they experience lower levels of depression and stress. When kids practice gratitude, they learn to look beyond themselves and recognize the many ways others care for them – whether it’s washing their clothes, giving them hugs, or preparing their meals.
On the other hand, according to Barbara Lewis, author of What Do You Stand For? For Kids, “Kids who aren’t taught to be grateful end up feeling entitled and perpetually disappointed.” Research also shows that youth who are ungrateful are more likely to abuse substances, have poor eating habits, and display low academic performance.
How can we teach our children the power of gratitude in their own lives?
- Model it. Children model their parents in every way, so remember to use “please” and “thank you” when you talk to them (“Thank you for the hug.”). Good manners and gratitude go hand-in-hand.
- Work gratitude into your daily life. Spend some time at the dinner table listing things you are grateful for. Keep a “gratitude journal” handy for older kids or help younger ones write a grateful sticky note to put on the refrigerator. Keep a basket of thank-you notes handy and help kids write notes for gifts or acts of service.
- Say no sometimes. Some days, it seems like kids are asking for candy, toys, or video game time every hour. It is impossible for them to feel grateful when their every wish is granted. Saying no sometimes makes saying yes that much sweeter.
- Encourage generosity. Teach them that there are others less fortunate. Donate a new toy, give used clothes to charity, or adopt a family in need. Remind kids that although they may have outgrown something, it may meet another child’s needs.
- Find a mission project. Older children can volunteer or participate in mission activities. Helping someone in need inspires thankfulness for your own blessings. After seeing a hungry family while serving at a soup kitchen, a child may be more appreciative of the food at their own table.
- Downplay gifts during the holidays. Put more emphasis on celebrating and establishing traditions – making cookies, seeing holiday lights together, visiting family. If you adopt a family for the holidays, shop for online gifts with your kids or have them create something handmade. Consider putting half of your child’s gifts away after the holidays to bring out as rainy day surprises throughout the year.
Teaching gratitude requires patience. It doesn’t develop overnight but takes many months and years of reinforcement. You will be rewarded, however. Teaching your child to be grateful will help them enjoy making others happy and can lead to a fulfilling, optimistic life.
Jana Pritchett is Communications Manager for Youth First, Inc., a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening youth and families. Youth First provides over 100 highly trained mental health professionals (primarily master’s level social workers), prevention programs, parent engagement coordinators, and bilingual support personnel to 130 schools across 14 Indiana counties. Over 54,000 youth and families each year are served by Youth First’s school-based social work and community programs that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. To learn more about Youth First, visit youthfirstinc.org or call 812-421-8336.
