INDIANA – Although the holidays bring much joy and excitement, they are also difficult for families who have experienced loss.
Children are no exception. Feelings of grief may increase or present differently as the holiday season approaches.
So, what can we do to help grieving children?
1. Understand that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some may find comfort in talking, reminiscing, and doing things to honor the loss they have experienced. For others, these things may not bring comfort at all. Additionally, grief has no distinct timeline or roadmap. Family members may be at different stages of the grieving process. Remember that each family member’s journey is their own.
2. Be honest with your children about your emotional experiences. As parents, we often feel we must shield our children from seeing our emotions so we do not further damage or worry them. While we do need to use discretion about what and how we share with our kids, it is also important that we are honest with them. This is especially important in times of loss. Our children are learning from our behavior. Hiding our feelings from our kids can make them feel isolated and confused, as it may send a message that how they feel is abnormal. Demonstrating that it is okay to have feelings surrounding the loss is vital to everyone’s healing.
3. Check in with your kid about their feelings. In addition to communicating with your child about your feelings, it is also important that you check in with your child about their feelings surrounding the loss. This helps you learn how to help them cope with the many emotions that may surface. It is important to relay to your children that even though they may see each family member grieve differently, you’re all in this together. Encourage them to come to you if they have questions or feelings they do not know how to manage.
4. Allow this year to be different while still providing consistency. There is an inherent change that occurs when loss happens. This is especially true during the holidays. Have an open discussion about how traditions may look different than they did before the loss. Acknowledge that this is okay. It may comfort all involved instead of moving through the holiday season like nothing has happened. You can say, “This holiday might look different because we don’t have ___ spending it here with us anymore. Is there a new tradition you would like to start or a way we could remember __ as we celebrate this year?” You could also ask, “Is there a tradition that we did with ___ that you would like to ensure we continue to do each year?” It is crucial to provide a good balance of flexibility while not completely stripping the season of its routine. Working together to find what works for your family is an important way to ensure you all provide each other with needed support.
5. Know when to reach out to a mental health professional. If your child struggles intensely during this time, it may be time to seek professional help. If you notice drastic changes in your child, seeking professional help may be the next step. Inability to complete daily tasks for a prolonged period, participating in risky/dangerous behaviors, or disconnecting emotionally are signs that seeking help may be beneficial. For some families, this may only last a short period, but more long-term treatment may be necessary for others. Checking with your child’s school to see if there are mental health professionals in the building is a good place to start. The child’s family physician may also be able to connect your family with other resources to provide additional support.
Information: Sarah Roth, MSW, LSW, is a substitute social worker at Youth First, Inc., a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening youth and families. Youth First provides 90 highly trained mental health professionals (primarily master’s level social workers), prevention programs, parent engagement coordinators, and bilingual support personnel to 125 schools across 14 Indiana counties. Over 50,000 youth and families per year are served by Youth First’s school-based social work and community programs that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. To learn more about Youth First, visit youthfirstinc.org or call 812-421-8336.
