INDIANA – As any parent or guardian knows, setting boundaries with children can be challenging, especially when it comes to following through. Let’s face it, it would be so much easier to give your child what they want or let them do whatever they please all the time. There would probably be fewer arguments, less eyerolling, and fewer tantrums or meltdowns, which always seem to happen at the worst possible times.
If kids are getting what they want, there shouldn’t be any pushback from them, right? Wrong! Children crave and thrive on consistency. The ironic part is that most of them don’t even know it. However, the facts clearly show that if we are not consistent in setting boundaries with children at an early age, they are more likely to struggle with self-discipline, behavior management, and healthy social interactions with peers. The likelihood of the child becoming manipulative also increases.
Setting boundaries and sticking to them is very important for your child’s development. According to Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, implementing age-appropriate boundaries at different developmental stages in a child’s life while maintaining a safe environment will help them develop their independence. While setting boundaries for children, it is important to remember the four C’s recommended by psychotherapist Elizabeth Beiderman — Communication, Clarity, Conviction, and Consistency.
Communication may seem obvious, but when relaying the set boundaries to the child, everyone involved in the child’s life must also be notified of those boundaries.
This ties in with the fourth C, Consistency. Having consistency in every environment the child may be in will help them understand expectations and respect for others.
Clarity is crucial when explaining a child’s boundaries to them. Speaking clearly, breaking down why the child has this boundary (and what the consequences are if they break this boundary) will help them understand their set expectations.
That brings us to the remaining C, Conviction. It’s essential to be both kind and compassionate when setting boundaries, while also being firm and confident. Showing a child that you mean what you say, sticking to the boundaries you implemented, and following through on the consequences if the boundary is broken are the keys to long-lasting, effective boundaries.
Parents who do not set clear boundaries with their young children may experience parental burnout, anxiety, depression, and personal relationship problems. It’s no secret that when we feel tired or burnt out, it is harder to carry out activities in our everyday lives.
Taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically is one of the most important things you can do to help your child. You are modeling healthy behaviors and helping your child understand the importance of taking care of the whole body. When taking care of yourself, you are also more likely to react with thought and purpose when dealing with negative or positive behaviors. This means fewer arguments, eyerolling, tantrums, and meltdowns. Isn’t that the kind of family harmony we are all striving for?
Audrey Angermeier, MSW, LSW, is a Youth First Mental Health Professional at Oak Hill Elementary School in Vanderburgh County. Youth First, Inc., is a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening youth and families. Youth First provides over 100 highly trained mental health professionals (primarily master’s level social workers), prevention programs, parent engagement coordinators, and bilingual support personnel to 130 schools across 14 Indiana counties. Over 55,000 youth and families are served annually by Youth First’s school-based social work and community programs, which promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. To learn more about Youth First, visit youthfirstinc.org or call 812-421-8336.
