Many parents have heard phrases like “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” or “Just try harder” when it comes to helping children succeed. These sayings originate from a good place, as they encourage resilience and determination.
But for many kids, especially those with neurodevelopmental differences and other mental health challenges, this approach can miss the mark. Sometimes, trying harder is not enough, and pushing children to “focus” or “behave better” can cause more harm than good.
In recent years, the world has changed in ways that deeply affect children’s development. The pandemic disrupted routines, limited social interactions, and created new challenges for young learners. Growing up surrounded by screens (tablets, phones, and computers) has also impacted children’s attention spans, social skills, and emotional regulation. The American Academy of Pediatrics reports that research shows that these factors, combined with conditions like ADHD, contribute to increased struggles with focus and behavior in today’s children.
Children born during the pandemic who are now entering kindergarten often face attention, emotional control, and social challenges that are unfamiliar to many adults. These difficulties can make old methods of discipline and pushing through frustration less effective and even harmful.
Traditional approaches often involve strict discipline or telling kids to “Just pay attention.” However, conditions like ADHD are not about willpower, laziness, or intentional defiance of parental authority. With these conditions, there are differences in how a child’s brain processes information, controls impulses, and manages emotions. Expecting a child with ADHD to “simply try harder” ignores these challenges and can lead to frustration, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Instead, these children require support designed for their unique needs.
Fortunately, effective, evidence-based support exists to help these children thrive. This may include counseling, behavioral and occupational therapies, educational accommodations, social skills training, and, when appropriate, medication. These interventions are not signs of failure. They are partnerships between families and professionals committed to helping children succeed. Many of these resources were not available or widely accepted when today’s parents and grandparents were young. Having access to them now can make a meaningful difference. Early support often prevents challenges from growing worse and helps build confidence and resilience.
For parents who feel unsure about seeking help, education and compassion are essential. Learning about your child’s diagnosis and listening to them talk about their experiences opens the door to understanding. Working with teachers, therapists, and doctors creates a team that supports your child as a whole person. Every child is different, and what works for one may not work for another. Showing flexibility and kindness helps your child feel safe and supported.
Breaking the stigma around mental health care is one of the most powerful ways to encourage children to ask for help and develop coping skills. By accepting your child’s needs and advocating for the right supports, you give them the best chance to grow far beyond what “just trying harder” can achieve.
In the end, “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” is a call to determination but not a one-size-fits-all solution for our kids. When old methods fail, opening the door to new, supportive strategies can make all the difference. With the right help, every child can thrive in their own way.
If your child is struggling, know you are not alone. Youth First offers caring, professional services tailored to your child’s needs in local schools. Reach out to your school’s Youth First Mental Health Professional or pediatrician to learn more about resources that can help your child grow with confidence and resilience. Together, we can find the right path forward and provide our children with the support they deserve.
Michelle Gamache, LMHCA, is a Youth First Mental Health Professional at St. John the Baptist Catholic School in Warrick County. Youth First, Inc., is a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening youth and families. Youth First provides over 100 highly trained mental health professionals (primarily master’s level social workers), prevention programs, parent engagement coordinators, and bilingual support personnel to 130 schools across 14 Indiana counties. Over 54,000 youth and families each year are served by Youth First’s school-based social work and community programs that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. To learn more about Youth First, visit youthfirstinc.org or call 812-421-8336.
