Brought to you by WBIW News and Network Indiana
Last updated on Friday, October 10, 2014
(UNDATED) - More than 830,000 men fall victim to domestic violence every year.
A man is the victim of domestic abuse every 37.8 seconds in America. These numbers are not inconsequential and the frequency is far from insignificant.
Jan Brown, executive director and founder of the Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men, stated that "domestic violence is not about size, gender, or strength. It's about abuse, control, and power, and getting out of dangerous situations and getting help, whether you are a woman being abused, or a man."
While the majority of domestic violence victims are women, abuse of men happens far more often than you'd probably expect.
Typically, men are physically stronger than women but that doesn't necessarily make it easier to escape the violence or the relationship.
An abused man faces a shortage of resources, skepticism from police, and major legal obstacles, especially when it comes to gaining custody of his children from an abusive mother.
No matter your age, occupation, or sexual orientation, though, you can overcome these challenges and escape the abuse.
Abuse is a control issue - abusers believe they have the right to manipulate, control and humiliate another person, and this belief is not only held by some men but also by some women.
Many of the effects of abuse for the male victim of domestic violence are the same as for women. They are likely to feel deeply shamed, frightened, experience a loss of self-worth and confidence, feel isolated, guilty and confused about the situation.
A lot of male victims of abuse have difficulty defining it as such. Men are often thought of as strong, domineering and macho. The idea of a man being battered by many- is ludicrous.
The reality though is that even if a man is physically attacked by their wives or partners, many men will take a beating rather than hitting back to defend themselves and risk harming their attacker, and even if they do, they are aware that they then risk being accused of being an abuser themselves.
But abuse is not always physical, and a lot of men, in common with many women, face daily emotional, verbal and psychological abuse in silence for years, their self-esteem being slowly eroded away, more and more isolated from those around them.
Many men with children feel trapped in an abusive relationship because they fear that if they leave, they will lose contact with their children. They may also be afraid that their abusive partner will continue to abuse the children if they are gone (especially if this is already the case).
They are aware that in most cases, residency is given to the mother, and they are afraid that even if they do disclose the abuse they have suffered in Court, that they will either simply not be believed, or, worse, that their abusive partner will somehow 'turn the tables' on them, and they will be condemned as abusive and have an even harder time gaining any adequate contact, let alone residency of their children.
If you are a man and are being abused or have recently escaped an abusive relationship, know that you are not alone. There are many of you out there, and many, like you, feel as though you are the only one to experience this sort of abuse. It is okay to be frightened, confused and hurt. Someone you love, care about and trust has broken that trust, turned against you and hurt you.
You don't have to suffer in silence, there are agencies and people who do care and can offer you help, support and advice:
In Bloomington Middle Way House, Inc. 812-333-7404
In Columbus Turning Point 812-379-5575
In Salem Hoosier Hills PACT 812-883-3318
Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence
1915 W. 18th Street, Suite B
Indianapolis, IN 46202
Phone 317.917.3685
Toll free 800.538.3393
Fax 317.917.3695
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